Day 15

Today consisted of being sick, and resting. I went to work but that lasted all of 30 minutes because my fever was up around 101. I went to the Dr's and she prescribed me a Zpack and some cough medicine. I had to dip into my meager savings, which displeases me. All in all I've been praying for health. My pastor and my friends are all praying for me also...it makes me feel nice. Like I have a support system. The selfish part of me wants to have people on my side, specifically. But I go to New Hope, which is his childhood church....so people still love him regardless. I don't want people to hate him, and they do mostly fall on my side. Where is the resolution?!?!? I feel like this isn't over, and it really needs to be.
My thoughts are still hung up on Ex, and its really frustrating to me, if it isn't obvious. I need to fully focus on the Lord and not hung up on him. I have no contact with him, really, but I can't help but think about him...what he's doing, does he think of me. Mainly I feel like I'm owed an apology that may never come. My prayer has to become about breaking free of him, and thoughts surrounding him. It hasn't helped that having to rest has brought these thoughts to the surface- its so much easier when I'm busy. This is the last weekend for the musical so after Saturday I'll really only have to see him on Sundays. I pray for strength.
Thoughts about missions are still surfacing as well....I want to go on a missions trip but I don't have any money, and I just started new job. They would not let me go.
So many things are swirling around in my head and I need to start changing something! Anything! Where do I begin? How do I start? I'm on my walk- ok, but I guess I'm selfish in that I wanted the happy parts and not these stressful parts.
But this is what its about. The hard parts, and still remaining faithful to my Lord.
Jesus, you are sovereign, and I know you have the best plans for me. Help heal my physical hurts, and continue to protect my heart during this time of healing. Help me keep the blinders on and dive into Your Word, which it Truth. And help me be a light for you, every day, even where I am. Help me to bloom where I'm planted.